07 October 2008

Bad Chicagoland Drivers Can Eat My Rights

I stand up and declare that we, Caitlin and Jeffrey, will no longer passively sit back and be acted upon; no, we are standing up! Standing up for our rights!
This morning Caitlin was on her way to work in No-Man's Land, Illinois (her commute is about 25-30 miles each way). Despite Caitlin's most excellent driving skills, some 20-year-old chick bumped into the back of our sweet, sweet Yari. Caitlin called to let me know that there was no damage, but she was not down with people hitting our car. I concurred. It was at that time that I knew we needed to declare our Yari Ownership Bill of Rights:
Yari Ownership Bill of Rights

1. We have the right to drive Yari where, when, and how we may at long as it does not infringe upon the same rights as other drivers
2. We have the right to enjoy a perfectly un-scathed Yari for a minimum of 5 years into ownership
3. We may park within one block of our apartment regardless of time of day
4. We do not have to park behind the guy with the scratched up car (because we don't like his track record)
5. If Yari is raped or violated by another vehicle, we have the right to kick the driver in the genitals or booty (depending on gender)
Five simple rights that we request Chicagoland honor, or else.
Besides - why would you want to hurt Yari? He is way too cute to shoot.

4 comments:

Michelle said...

Too cute to Shoot! Everytime I hear the name Yari, it makes me think of my sweet Yurbus.

andrea gale said...

Have you called Bob Boblaw? I hear he's a pretty great lawyer. I would also be happy to represent you. I am in no way qualified. I just said I'd be happy to, that's all.

Sparklebot said...

Good thinking. Remember how my sweet, sweet Gilda was raped in the church parking lot during a testimony meeting? Don't let that happen to Yari.

Pound Fi'ty said...

You are right, the car is that cute:)